Social Anxiety Disorder.” My friend posted a video on Facebook about it and it completely describes me to a T.
Talking on the phone, going to the store, passing someone on the street, group projects, small talk, cooking in the kitchen with roommates also in the kitchen. The things that are part of everyday normal life and most people don’t even think about them. I’ve gotten a whole lot better the last few years. To a point where I can do small talk and group projects with two or three people no problem. I still feel anxious and its difficult but I’m able to do it. However, when I am with a group of more than three people I have a difficult time saying anything and end up being the silent one who doesn’t talk.
Every day it’s like I’m going out to battle, fighting whatever it is. It’s like someone is controlling your thoughts. You’re terrified of being embarrassed, being the center of attention, being noticed. You know its irrational but you can’t really stop it.
Learning to live with it and the day’s little victories. The victories that may not seem like victories to everyone else. Like I was able to walk to the store, get cash back and walk back. Braving cars and people at the same time. Or I small talked with the girl the lives a few doors down in the elevator for a few minutes. I said, “And how are you?” in a conversation after someone asks how I am. I did a speech in front of the entire class about something extremely personal and didn’t cry or run away.
(Decided to get a little more personal on this blog and talk about things that are not just veganism. Even though I will be still blogging about veganism.)